Loving is not the same as spoiling

Your lovely and adorable toddler will always make you surprised. She learns and creates new things every day. This makes you miss her so much when you have to go to the office or even to the grocery. Many parents explain that they even cannot concentrate at work because they remember the little princess at home and wondering what she is doing. Missing your toddler is normal but you should not act too much. The facts show that parents usually show their love and miss trough spoiling the toddlers. They do and buy whatever the toddlers say simply because these parents feel guilty for leaving the toddlers at home. This is completely wrong.

Loving is not the same as spoiling. Loving means you give what your toddler needs properly. When she does something good, she deserves to get rewards. On the other hand, your toddler should be punished when she does something bad. Reward and punishment should be balanced to make your toddler learn about good behavior as early as possible. However, it is forbidden for you to give physical punishment. It does not work at all to punish her. It will make her imitate what you have done to others. There are many educative punishments you can apply to your toddler.

Never feel guilty too much for punishing or timing out your toddler. These are the steps you will keep doing as the part of loving your toddler. Both you and your couple have to agree the systems applied at home. In case you hire a nanny, you need to make sure that the nanny has the same path with you in loving your toddler. No more chance for spoiling her because it gives negative result in your toddler’s future.

Being a single parent, why not?

Although being single parents in certain culture is not considered as the good choice, the facts show that the number of single parents has risen significantly. Each person has their own reasons why they decide to be single parents. In your surrounding or town, you will be easy to see men and women who struggle to raise the kids as single parents. One reason that pops out lately is being single parent means you can decide good things for your kids yourself. No discussion or chatting needed to determine items related to your kids’ activities. You have your own right to control and educate your kids. For older kids, you can discuss and talk warmly about where to go this weekend, what sport activity to choose, why kids are forbidden to stay up late, etc.

Of course, it is not easy as it seems. Your kids will keep asking you about the existence of mother or father that is omitted in your home, especially when they are about 4-7 years old. This is the time when they start to compare the family with their friends’ at school. Surely, it will be your hard task to answer and explain the background and reasons. To ease the process, you should make sure that you are always available on your kids’ special moments. Be with them and read the story to increase the bond.

What you are not supposed to do is explaining the negative things about having complete family. For example, you tell your kids that having father is not really good due to some reasons. No!! It is totally and completely wrong!!! Your kids will not understand and keep questioning why and another why. In this case, you have to be positive and if it is possible you can take your kids to your brothers or sisters’ home. Or, visiting grandparents’ home on weekend can be done. This will make your kids have the feeling about family. Put their picture on the wall or on the desk to increase the bond and family feeling. There is nothing wrong of being single but make sure you do it positively.

Single parent, a choice with lots of challenges

Nowadays, it is more common to see single parents around the town compared to a decade ago. Both men and women have their own reasons before deciding to raise the children themselves. Whatever the reasons are, being single parents seems sometimes cannot be avoided. If this is your current situation, one thing you should have is positive way of thinking. Your mind and behavior have to be positive because you are the only role model for the children. As the one who will guide and love your children, you cannot make mistakes. Of course, this is the real challenge you have to face every day.

In addition, you need to work hard and earn enough money. Financial issue is getting more complicated for single parents because they cannot share the financial responsibility with the spouse. Single income you have should be able to cover the entire needs included education, health, and insurance. Some single parents do not think this as real problem because they create some financial sources through working in an office, selling some products online, making home products, etc. The key is creativity and keeping the sprit. Do not forget, you need to be smart shopper in getting your daily needs.

Another thing you are going to face is you will be the one who is responsible in doing all household tasks. Indeed, you can handle certain tasks like sweeping the floor, or dust the window to the older child. But, you cannot distribute the tasks like paying the bills, keeping up the yard, and cooking the meal. The point is you need to be healthy, so that you will have more energy and power to be single parent. If this is your choice, make sure you decide it wisely and comprehend the challenges.

What to do with your ADHD children

Knowing that your children have to struggle with ADHD can make you get frustrated. You will feel that you are going to face very hard days, months, and years to come. But do not let your frustration affect your daily life too long. You need to move as soon as possible because your children need you more. If you are frustrated, there is possibility that your children will suffer more than you. So, make positive commitment with your couple to parent and educate your ADHD children maximally. This makes you be stronger and more confident to face next challenging days.

The first weapon you must possess is patience. Your children will not directly do what you just said. Their brain needs more time to process your words. Without enough patience, you will easily get angry and give up. You cannot be angry because actually your children do not know their ADHD condition. Moreover, try to speak in simple vocabularies and clear pronunciation. No yelling and screaming because it tends to make your children become confuse. Since you have special children, you should not set too high goals each day. Everything has to be done step by step.

In addition, sometimes you need to apply a kind of time out to discipline your children. Indeed, both of you will be in unpleasant situation, but it is needed to set foundation for your children’s future. They need to have good habit and behavior. You may consult to the expert and discuss with your couple about the home rules and timetable that is suitable for your children’s age and capability. Timetables will remind both of you about what to do. Be consistent and be proud when your ADHD children can achieved something new. Your tough parenting days will be paid off with happiness.

Learn parenting skills as early as possible

Being a good parent is a must. Unfortunately, there is no school, academy, or education institution which teaches you to be a good parent. Even, there is no single parenting subject that you can pursue through formal education system. The parenting skills most people have are gathered from the experience and relied on their intuition. These facts make each person apply different parenting methods based on what they think as good ones. Of course, this is not relatively correct. What you think is good for your children do not mean good on your children point of view and needs.

That makes you start to realize the importance of learning parenting skills. Some people start learning when they are expecting the baby, while some others learn at the same time they raise the kids. Both of them are good although learning as soon as possible is considered as the better one. The reason is you are going to interact to children and teens in your family. During Thanksgiving or Christmas holiday, you will meet the entire family member and perhaps interact with the children. You need to know how to start talking, communicate, play with them, and even handle the spoiled ones. Never think that learning parenting skills is useless since you have no children yet. Learning earlier makes you have wider knowledge and good sense and empathy towards children.

By doing so, you will realize that parenting is full time or more than full time job. It looks easy that it seems. Many parents make mistake in parenting their children. Learning earlier will avoid you from making the same mistakes and recognize the mistakes. In case you already make mistake, you will be able to accept the mistakes and surely learn from the mistakes. Therefore, there is nothing wrong to buy books, read sources, and go online to know more about parenting skills and methods from now on.

Showing your affection is a must

When people are talking about affection, they have already known the meaning and surely believed that they have given and shown enough affection to their children. However, all of them are not relatively true. Affection basically can be described as the feeling of owning that is completed with love. You will precisely say “yes” or “sure” when another people ask you about your love to your children. What about the affection? Perhaps you will also answer “yes”. But, how do you show your affection to your children? Do they feel that affection? Is that enough?

Showing affection is a must to do because your children will constantly do and search the ways, so that you will love them always. Most parents will think that giving affection can be done by kissing, saying good morning, helping them in their daily activities, taking them to play ground, purchasing various toys, and many more. Yes, all of these examples are correct. But remember, you have to do it with the whole hearted you posses. Your children will feel whether your affection is natural or a kind of obligation from parents to children. You cannot lie or pretend to be full of affection to them. It means your affection should be derived from the bottom of your heart.

What happen if you show a fake affection to your children? There many possibilities toward this matter. Probably they will search other people to be loved such as grandma, nanny, aunty, or others. Or, they will pretend to behave negatively just to get your attention and affection. They will not do what you say or tell them. Based on these examples, you have no choice except showing your sincere affection to your children as much and as early as possible.

Being a mother and father at the same time, well.. it is not the case!

Deciding to be single parents seems to be your toughest decision you have ever made. It means you are ready to beat the challenges and face the consequences. You are going to have extra busy days to come. Then, you need to learn the way to make priority on your life. Perhaps, this sounds easy because you have learned to prioritize something at school or college. But, you face different situation and responsibilities. You have no spouse to talk about your kids’ education and behavior. For some people, this makes them to think that they can act and be mother and father at the same time. Well, actually that is not the case. Mother has her own rules in a family and so does father. They are not interchangeable or be able to replace.

There will be a time when your kids want to have a male or female figure at home. What to do then? Having dates does not seem to be good option. Make sure your kids are getting closer to their uncle, aunty, grandma, and grandpa. Indeed, they cannot replace the existence of father or mother. But, at least your kids know more figures in the family. It is common to see a father who feels very hard to explain his daughters about female issues and gender. Aunty and grandma can be the person who may be easier in explaining such a case.

Since there is only one parental figure in the family, you have to be ready when your kids start to ask you about another figure. Of course, don’t be panic and frustrated since it is normal. The kids deserve to know why you become single parent and what you have done so far to raise the kids normally. If you have some difficulties, you may go online or go to your surroundings to find the support group for single parents. This is where you can discuss and find solution towards your problems.

Be available for your children

Starting to live as a parent will make you feel very happier than before. You are going to see many different things everyday and be surprised when your children have new achievements. It seems that the feeling cannot be described fully simply because there is no word can describe the happiness of being parents. But, it is not enough. You need to increase your parenting skills gradually to make sure that you treat your children well.

What some people do is remembering their childhood period and applying their parents’ parenting methods to the children. Well, it is not relatively true because the era is different. Some methods can be applied but some others cannot. If your parents are always beside you and present on your special events, you need to do the same to your children. Yes, you should be available for your children although you feel that you are busy and have hectic days.

Available does not mean that you accompany them watch the favorite TV program or read story book before sleeping. It means that you need to spend enough quality time, so that your children feel that they are important to you. Try to smile and happy in front of them although you have bad day on your office. Your children will not care whether you have good or bad day. They will not understand your work difficulties and problems. What they need is the same smile and affection from you. Indeed, it is impossible to be available all the time, but good time management will save both of you and keep the bond between you and your children.

Parenting the toddler needs cooperative and coordination

You must be very happy for having such a lovely toddler. She is the adorable one that you want to kiss every time. In parenting your toddler, you and your couple have to be in the same path. It means you have to apply the same parenting mode and style. Some people think it is impossible because mother and father have different characters and style. Applying the same ideas and methods seems to be impossible.

Actually, it is much possible and easy to apply. You need to discuss many things with our couple from the simple things until the more complicated ones. For example, you and your couple need to be cooperative in handling your picky eater toddler. Many toddlers avoid vegetable on their diet and choose to have sweets and chocolate. To face this situation you need to be cooperative with your couple that both of you will eat vegetables in front of your toddler. She will look at both of you enjoying the delicious veggie. By doing this she will gradually follow your habit. Sweets and chocolate can be given once or twice in a week, or as a gift when your toddler has done noble things. You and your couple have to follow the rules which have been agreed before.

Once you or your couple breaks the rules, she will understand that the rules are breakable. Even the simple things like saying “thank you” and “sorry” need to be put in the rules. Both of you have to explain when and why she needs to say these words. Moreover, discuss the parenting style and ideas seriously, so that both you will find the parenting formula applied for your toddler. Besides, you need to plan the proper rewards and punishment as the consequences. Also, do not forget to inform your parenting style with the toddler’s aunt, uncle, and grandparents. By doing this, you have started to invest something good for your toddler’s future.